In my work with and study of Millennials, I have learned that WE older generations have much to learn from this expectant (not entitled) generation. If we approach them appropriately and with respect for their talents and abilities, we can quickly come to common ground and find progress and fulfillment – together. But you’ve got to get there. So here are three keys to working with Millennials.
Don’t try to FIX them
In our study of this glorious generation, we have found this group is trying to live out an authentic life like none other. They don’t need to be “fixed,” what they could use is more support in their understanding and views of the world. In our desires to guide them toward empowering virtues, we need to do so in a non-judgmental and loving way.
In The Essential Wooden by John Wooden and Steve Jamison, Coach Wooden (the most legendary college basketball coach of all time) tells the story of the county paying farmers to take a wagon and team of horses into the gravel pits to haul out loads for a fee. John’s dad, also a farmer, watched a young man trying to get his fully loaded wagon out of the pit; whipping and cursing two beautiful plow horses that were frothing at the mouth, and rejecting the young man’s screaming pleas. After watching for a while John’s dad asked the young farmer if he could take them over. The young farmer gladly turned over the reins. First he (John’s dad) started talking to the horses; almost whispering to them, while stroking their noses with a soft touch. Then he walked between them, holding their bridles and still talking to them. The horses settled down, and then he started leading them slowing and calmly out of the gravel pit; as if they were happy to do it.
Sharing with Millennials effectively is no different in this effective leadership lesson. Help them harness their energy and strength in gentle ways.
Celebrate their virtues
One of this generation’s great virtues is to question; because truth to them is personal and ever-changing. While this practice may seem to question authority, it is really more focused on true discovery. What a great virtue to have, the ability to ask good questions. Another virtue they practice which we can celebrate is to not judge. While judgments regarding values and laws may be necessary, it is not necessary to judge others whose opinions may be entirely different than our own. The boomer generation often refer to Millennials as the “entitled” generation, but we believe they are the “expectant” generation and are to be celebrated. The virtues they have and are developing can be celebrated and learned from.
Learn their language
20- to 30-somethings can sniff out a fakester in a heartbeat. If you don’t use the word “dude” in your regular vocabulary, then don’t use it trying to look or be cool with them. By the same token, just because you were raised in a different generation and speak a different language, it doesn’t mean you can’t connect with them in a very personal and productive way.
The first key to learning their language is to learn what shuts them down and avoid such words and terminology. Phrases like “I said so” or “why can’t you just trust me,” don’t answer the question of “Why.” Better to approach a topic in this way: “can we share opinions without judgment of each other’s mindset and in a way that does not try to convert each other to our own way of thinking?” This approach allows a process of authenticity to prevail allowing each party to learn from each other and appreciate each other’s views. The Millennial generation is no different than any generation; they want to be loved, live with purpose, and make a difference. As you learn their language, you will learn that being heard is of more importance than being right…listening is a great part of their language.
An excellent study on this subject and all things Millennial is Effective Generational Ministry by Elisabeth A. Nesbit Sbanotto and Craig L. Blomberg. I highly recommend this book and reference it often. Learning to communicate to the tribes of Millennials will only enhance your own chance of creating a holistic life. See? In one sentence I included two endearing words of Millennials.
Steven A. Hitz is the author of Leadership by LIGHT: Principles That Empower, and is co-founder of Launching Leaders, a nonprofit organization that helps Millennials create their future.
