In part one, we discussed the “fever” of worldly cares that afflict us and prevents us from finding peace. If you have not read part one, I invite you to do so now. In part two, let’s focus on five simple principles to rediscover our true identity and the inner peace we long for. I am outlining the sketch and hope you will take time to fill in the blanks. The books I recommend will help you do so.
- Find the Time. Everyone knows that time does not stand still for anyone. But it does conform to how you direct it. Let me share how I capture time to discover and rediscover things that matter – things that bring peace and help form my true identity. I began this process years ago; I call it prayerful meditation. I gather books around me that inspire me to become. I start by lighting a candle. I like that the time I take in this effort has become a ritual. When I light the candle, it’s my time to make time – to think and ponder – to sit in silence and pray upon my questions, concerns, opportunities, and hopes. When I feel I have settled my soul and am at peace, I take time to end my ritual with gratitude. Then, I blow the candle out. I watch the smoke drift into the air and imagine my thoughts are being received into heaven. That is MY ritual for finding and taking time. Now establish your own.
- Let Go of your Opinionated Self. Part of taking time, as described in step one, allows you to “empty your mind.” All of you know the divisive society we live in. We are at a point where our own opinions seem to be all that matter, and anyone confronting those ideas are cancelled from their group.
In his highly successful television show, Mr. Rogers subtly invited the viewers to slow down, to be considerate, and to be a good neighbor. At the beginning of each show the viewer sees a traffic light blinking yellow. Then for over thirty years, he taught children (and adults) how to let go of prejudices and to find common ground.
You can’t do that without letting go of your opinionated self. How do you do that? It starts with being able to find time to sit still and in your silence, think deeply. The famous story of the rich and wealthy man approaching a Zen Master to teach him all he knew still applies. The Zen Master presented a cup and began pouring the student a cup of tea. He kept pouring until the cup overflowed and the student admonished him to stop. The Zen Master said, in order for you to learn, you need to empty your cup. Your cup is full of your own ideas, and you need to empty it to begin again.
- Incorporate Ho’oponopono. This weird and hard to pronounce word (it’s taken me a bit to get it) is powerful and folds beautifully into our steps of rediscovery. It is an ancient traditional Hawaiian practice rooted in reconciliation, forgiveness and restoration. I first discovered this concept in a beautiful book titled ZeroLimits by Joe Vitale. I highly recommend learning this and implementing this practice which has healed thousands. My wife and I incorporate this in some fashion each day. It centers on these four principles:
- I’m Sorry (acknowledging that something within you is connected to the healing you seek)
- Please forgive me (letting go of blame—toward yourself or others)
- Thank you (gratitude for healing already beginning)
- I love you (sending compassion to yourself, the situation, and beyond)
In learning this process, it may become a part of the ritual you establish in steps one and two. It can be repeated aloud or silently. The concept behind this practice is rooted in “pono”, meaning righteousness, balance, or harmony which are KEY elements in living into the true identity that we desire.
- Develop your True Spiritual Identity. This is a necessary step in living into the core of who you want to become. Knowing you have a divine center and that you are a part of a universal community of love. I talk about this part of developing our true identity in my book Launching Leaders, but for now, know that it is essential and true identity cannot be secularized. A person who has found their true identity has learned to live in the big picture. Some call this living in the “realm of God” and is often a major about-face.
This necessitates letting go of our own tiny realms, which we struggle to do; leaving our individualistic desires and entering into diversity and inclusion takes us to a higher level. As my friend Richard Rohr states in his fine book Living Upward, “Up to now, we have been more in love with elitism than with any egalitarianism. We like being the “one” but just did not know how to include the many in that very one.”
I have the good fortune of a regular study with my dear friend Rabbi John. We sometimes study together from “The Big Red Book,” which is foundational in the ACA program (Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families). It starts by saying in part “We believe that each of us is born with a True Self that is forced into hiding…A false self emerges that protects the hidden True Self from harm, but at a heavy price.” This is why connecting our True Spiritual Self is essential to forming and holding onto our true identity.
Maybe my comparison of the SNL cowbell video in Part One wasn’t exactly accurate. I like to mix a little humor in our quest to seriously take on life, and I felt the phrase “I’ve got a fever” precisely described how we feel sometimes – disconnected or unmoored. I hope we can figuratively find more “Cow Bell” as we home in on our true identity and establish a peace that surpasses all understanding. Let us rediscover our True Identity and find the peace that comes from it. Let us emerge, like a butterfly, and find the freedom and peace we seek. It seems to me that it is needed now, more than ever.
