Guest Opinion that Appeared in Deseret News on January 5, 2020

Having hung up my “corporate spurs” a few years ago, I found myself without a company to lead and without a daily mantra to drive my purpose in life. Through the process of shifting my focus away from the corporate labyrinth, where admittedly my purpose was fueled by a certain amount of power and control, I now found my purpose in life was disoriented, swallowed up like a dense fog on a winter morning. I realized that my vocational purpose had consumed many things that really should have been more of my purpose in life, but were lost on my corporate worldview.

Through your life’s journey you may have already experienced the same things my path has revealed. I believe the rising generations have figured this out much sooner that I did. Go ahead and say it millennials, “OK, boomer” … but please indulge me as I know your values are inclusive and not exclusive as to what matters most. I am a boomer, but I claim to have a millennial heart.

What I am about to share regarding my views on purpose are driven by personal experience, which I hope are relevant to you, as I believe I am not the only one who frequently finds a need to review my purpose.

Six points to consider in establishing your purpose:

Purpose is self-directed and intentional
Everyone has a desire to make their own path. No one wants to wake up in the morning and be a foot soldier for causes they aren’t passionate about. No one wants to realize their thoughts and aspirations are being poured into someone else’s mold. Recognition of one’s true identity is a process of self-discovery and is vital to obtaining this self-directed and intentional path toward your purpose. In the bestselling book “Educated,” by Tara Westover, it wasn’t until she was at Cambridge University that an observant professor challenged her pitiful view of herself and said, “You are not fool’s gold, shining only under a particular light. Whomever you become, whatever you make yourself into, that is who you always were. It was always in you. Not in Cambridge. In you. You are gold.”

Sometimes the spark to ignite the purposeful life you desire comes from someone else. The spark can be ignited by a variety of sources, but in the end, grasping on to that spark is intentional — it usually doesn’t happen without seeking the path of purpose.

Purpose is most powerful when coupled with your perceived ‘calling’
I have a Jewish Rabbi friend who has embarked on a “calling” to create a purpose in a Christian faith. He simply felt called by God to do this selfless act of helping a specific Christian faith discover more deeply their roots and appreciate their path to religious freedom. Because he has felt called by God, he is passionate about his purpose in all of this. If we believe that we are serving a higher purpose or even called toward a specific idea regarding purpose, it gives us legs to move forward in powerful ways.

A broad knowledge expands the horizon and possibilities of purpose
The older I get, the thirstier I get for knowledge. Maybe it’s the clock ticking on the last half (or less) of my life. Maybe it’s because I constantly have questions. Maybe I am just eager to figure things out. In the faith world, my questions sometimes alarm my wife and she fears I’m on an exodus from my faith. On the contrary, I’m on a mission to expand my knowledge and push against the filters of my past that may have limited the real view (in my opinion). It’s OK to not understand something, to not agree with someone’s position, to discover and explore points of view different from your own. In doing so, the purpose horizon expands. Why? Perhaps because you haven’t automatically shucked ideas or knowledge aside because you were once programmed to. I’m not saying you should go against your core values — but digging a little deeper into the ideas of another creates bipartisan opportunities if you will, while at the same time lifting the fog of contempt. Expanding your knowledge base is intentional and couples nicely with developing your purpose. Reading a broad spectrum of books, articles and publications on topics you find of interest allows your soul to sift and sort what feels right for you. If you seek knowledge on a continuous — almost daily basis, you will find that you no longer fear the unknown, but embrace the possibilities it creates. As your knowledge expands, so does the focus of your purpose.

Purpose is limited by secularism while pluralism creates the best soil to grow purpose
In other words, not including faith in purpose is a choice (secularism) but believing there is more than one trail to the summit creates different perspectives. There is value in considering the commonality among people, even though they are taking different paths. This paradigm is powerful in creating meaningful purpose. Religious freedom teaches us to see the inherent dignity of each person, and that in so doing, believers and nonbelievers of faith benefit. Deciding to value everyone’s belief system is intentional and leads to more meaningful purpose.

Living in loneliness doesn’t foster purpose
I was lying in bed in the wee hours of the morning the other night, feeling sorry for myself. Mind you, I am in no position to complain about my life, but I’m currently i -between frames — waiting to launch upon another opportunity or chart a little different course. You know the feeling — wondering if the purpose you have pursued is really making a difference, if it fulfills you, and if your life has meaning while considering next steps to bring purpose and fulfillment.

As I contemplated these things for a couple of hours, wide-eyed with the streetlights seeping in through the blinds, I had an epiphany. I was too busy contemplating how my purpose filled me, not how it was filling the lives of others. I shifted gears. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I started considering deeply the lives of others I knew — especially those who could use an acknowledgement in their lives that they mattered to me. So I got busy writing, mentoring, calling and visiting friends who were too busy to make the same effort, taking food to the shut-ins, listening to those around me without any pretense of what I might say in response — just listening. I decided that my next purpose mantra would be “Do Good Everyday.”

You know what happened? My loneliness was lifted and I realized my purpose must focus on others more than myself. Everything I’ve ever known told me this — but I needed to experience this again in order to see through my selfish lens a purpose that mattered to others more than me. Much has been written about this, but taking a little time in our lonely state to move our energy from our little island to the great ocean of possibilities — of how others might be blessed through us — is a wonderful way to find and discover purpose; not to mention the great medicine it is for loneliness and depression.

Establishing purpose requires time to reflect
Gen. James Mattis, who spent a lifetime in the Marines, overseeing many critical and sensitive wars and conflicts (including leading U.S. Central Command) determined the single biggest deficiency in decision-making was a lack of time. The demands of our jobs, homes, school and a thousand other things make us so busy we don’t find the time to reflect. In his book, “Call Sign CHAOS,” Gen. Mattis noted that when he took the time to reflect, he could ask himself questions like “Where was our strategy lacking?” or “What lay over the horizon?” He said he spent enormous amounts of time discovering what the troops needed and where their heads were at by visiting them personally. He determined that to establish trust in the ranks, you couldn’t achieve it by email.

Interesting isn’t it? Like Gen. Mattis, we also need to find time to reflect and to put relationship development at the top of our list to find and establish our purpose.

I believe there is a real need to discover and rediscover our purpose in life. Finding and establishing purpose is a dynamic event that can be revisited as often as needed. Certainly doing so helps ward off many of today’s challenges of angst, anxiety and depression as they are replaced with introspection that brings peace, hope and fulfillment.

Steve Hitz is a co-founder of Launching Leaders Worldwide www.llworldwide.org, a nonprofit organization that provides young adults with tools for personal leadership and faith.

I had an inkling to pay a visit to an old friend who I had not had occasion to visit for many moons.  I will call him “Sam.”  I arrived at his simple home.  He lives in an older area of town.  He repairs automobiles from his small garage at his home.  His profession has kept him eating—-and that is about all he needs. 

Sam is in his sixties and has always lived alone.  He was excited to see me as he approached from his front door in his customary sweatpants and T-shirt with open toed sandals and socks.  There are often patches or repairs on his clothing—sort of his badge of honor.  He said he had been thinking about me too the past couple of days.  Funny how these coincidences seem to work.

Sam takes a life of simplicity to a new level.  For the past twenty years, he has washed and dried his clothes by hand, doesn’t own a microwave, and sleeps in a chair because he never found a bed he was comfortable in.  He has an electric bill of less that $15.00 per month, he works about 12-15 hours a day, has never owned a TV, doesn’t have a smart phone (land line only), and doesn’t have a computer or the internet.  He lives off the grid so to speak while living in town.  Economically and perhaps philosophically, he is a modern-day Henry David Thoreau.  He attended eight years of parochial school and is well educated.  I would classify him as spiritual but not religious.  A good-hearted soul; authentic as they come.

Sam lives this life of simplicity by choice.  His needs are basic. He simply doesn’t want or need much as to material things.  It is beautiful to behold.

Here is what he has more of than most of us in my opinion.  He is not beholden to bells and whistles.  He reads broadly and often.  He digs deep into topics and takes copious notes in his discovery process (like a modern Leonardo DaVinci who kept thousands of pages of illustrations, explanations, drawings, and writings.) Like DaVinci, who was dedicated to constant self-study, and developed a vast array of vocabulary, Sam does the same. Probably as intelligent as I have ever encountered, he uses his smarts to deepen his knowledge, not to parlay himself above anyone else.  His quests in knowledge are for discovery and understanding.

In my recent visit, he shared with me some insights he has been digging into for the past ten years.  He stopped sharing his insights with others several years ago as some labeled him crazy—but he is not crazy, rather, he is visionary.  I felt honored he would share his insights with me. 

When we are threatened by how new discoveries might affect or change the truth we thought we knew, we limit our opportunities to seek new knowledge.  Before Sam shared with me, he said he was reluctant to share, though he felt compelled.  I assured Sam that I am fortunate to not be threatened by new truths or discoveries as they always enhance my view one way or another.  He continued.   

I sat on a wooden chair he retrieved from his small home while he sat on the bumper of his 1960 Volkswagen beetle.  There I listened and took notes for three hours. He got extremely animated as he ran from our sitting place, back and forth into his home to retrieve another book.  He taught me words he discovered along with their translations or de-coding.  He literally has figured out how to translate hidden code from ancient books that have buried truths in their writings.  Fascinating stuff and I’ll stop there as the nature of his findings are presently highly confidential. 

Suffice it to say that his discoveries have information that can change the way we think about things and alter our current reality on certain topics. I would label them spiritual in nature and sacred in content. He was very articulate in his explanations and theory.  He was animated and passionate—I likened his enthusiasm to a cross between Christopher Lloyd in the movie Back to the Future and Nicolas Cage in National Treasure.  I am anxious to learn more.  We have met twice now. 

I had no idea Sam had been working so feverishly on such a project for so long.  I believe because of the way he has chosen to live his life of simplicity, he is more attuned to the inner voice that moves him closer to the answers he is seeking.  His thoughts have not been colored by other people’s brushes; they are literally his own. He has decoupled from the world and its trappings and connected simply to a purer source—-that of reading, pondering, and seeking.   Sam prays a lot but is still distilling the nature of who it is to whom he prays.   He is a seeker.  It’s no coincidence he is on to significant discoveries; he has prepared for it.

The purposeful simplification of his life and a continued focus in intrinsic values have opened these tributaries of unique discoveries.  There are absolute benefits of living such a life, as documented by American psychologist Tim Kasser, through a 25-year study.  He discovered higher depression among those who focused on extrinsic values and materialism.  The pursuit of “things” fills us with what author Johann Hari refers to as “Junk Values.”  Interestingly, much of our happiness, as shown in Kasser’s studies, evaporates as our focus on extrinsic values increases.  By the same token, the more our focus is on intrinsic values and less on materialism, the happier we are. 

I believe my friend Sam has benefited from these natural side benefits.  His intrinsic focus and values have become the compost for the knowledge and understanding he seeks.   I have seen several examples of how clarity of vision is enhanced by a reduction of noise and a simplicity of life. 

I’m not saying we should become hermits and not enjoy the luxuries and beauties of modern-day life in order to experience vision and discover the most meaningful things.  I am saying that simplicity, a focus on intrinsic values, and an earnest desire to seek out truths with an open mind will bring to us into a new world, filled with more truth, authenticity and color.  The atmosphere surrounding a true seeker needs to be prepared to experience transformation.  This preparation doesn’t come by chance—it must be purposefully planned.  Each of us can decide how that preparation looks in our own lives as we prepare to become seekers.

It has been said that those without vision, perish.  To establish vision, or to create a future you can positively see yourself in, requires building a confidence in who you really are.  The process of homing in on your true identity is key. Establishing vision is also key to anyone’s success but is especially cogent to anyone facing the challenges of depression and anxiety; which is basically all of us.

Vision does not exist without change.  To establish clear vision then requires the willingness to change.  The question for those of us who find ourselves wandering along a path from side to side and not visualizing the meaning of our steps is to ask ourselves, what (or whom) will motivate me toward change?  What type of change is needed in my life?  Am I willing to question the status quo and invite the idea of asking important questions, some that might be in the category of doubting my foundations and being bold enough to question my doubts?  What are my desires exactly?

It sounds complex, but if we can establish some markers along the path, we CAN navigate a journey toward freedom and peace.

Recently my wife and I decided to abandon the busy world where we live and go to the mountains for a few days.  In conjunction with disconnecting from the “hum” of the world, I gathered several books I have wanted to dive into.  One of them ironically, was Walden by Henry David Thoreau.  What nature provides, especially away from most civilization, is scale and context; a space to figure out ourselves and some of life’s biggest questions.  It provides silence, solitude, darkness—some of the sparsest resources we know.

Our trip started off with a stark reality check on how much our lives have become electronically entwined and supported by “things.” We did not have cell service in the high mountains, but when the stars came out, our cells could pick up snippets of civilization from the ten thousand-foot airwaves. 

As we settled into the first night, I drifted off into a deep slumber, fresh night air caressing my content face.  Suddenly my wife woke me up.  She said “Steve, we’ve been robbed.” I sat up from my sleep, thinking someone had broken into my truck—that someone had ventured into our camp and was helping themselves to whatever was in the open.  Certainly no one had entered our camper.  I reached for my gun case and prepared for the unknown—maybe it was a bear or lion staking a claim on their own land.  She then said to me that we were not being robbed in the mountains, but that our home back in town had been robbed.  She received a text from our neighbor that went something like this “We closed your small garage door—we think you are camping.”  Evidently, we drove away with the garage door open. And then, the most alarming garbled text addition followed “Many media objects have been removed.” End of text.

We had just moved into our new home and there are still many things unpacked, items not assembled, plus the basement is still being finished.  Workers have been in and out for weeks.  We had in our garage several media objects yet to be installed (big screen TV’s sound bars, etc..).  My mind went to inside the house.  Were our installed objects removed?  Did they steal my computer systems?  What about our laptops? The safe? The more I contemplated, the more anxiety coursed through my veins.

We had not had an alarm system installed yet—–safe neighborhood we thought, though we intended to install one soon.  There were construction workers across the street working on a new home and they probably saw us roll away in our rig leaving the garage door up.  We jumped to judgment—-wrongly. 

We couldn’t call or text our neighbor—somehow the text from them arrived, but no signal allowed a communication back.  It was about midnight; we jumped in the truck and made our way down the mountain toward signal.  Once we made it back to the highway it was only about 15 minutes to arrive at a rest area that overlooked the Laramie basin.  Our cells indicated “two bars.”  We called our neighbor.  Joleen didn’t answer.  We called her husband.  Dave picked up.  He was so kind and when we explained the two-part text we received, he almost laughed because they DID NOT text the last garbled part about media objects being removed.  We took in a deep breath of relief but to make sure, asked if he would walk next door to check it out.  He walked through the house and noted our computers, TV’s and other such “media devices” were in their proper place.  We had NOT been robbed.

Back to the camper we drove, with a great sense of gratitude for great neighbors, for the blessing of not being robbed, and that our lives of “things and connectivity” need not be disrupted.

Here we were (again), under the stars of the dark night, cold mountain cold air, warm blankets, and sleep soon found its way into our bodies and minds. 

Now contrast this startling event with my reading of Walden.  Those familiar with his writing will understand the conflict this put me in.  Do I actually hold a “world view?”  Am I consumed with the hum of the world?  Would my life be greatly diminished if I didn’t have a cell phone or computer?  Has my mind and heart been shielded from hearing my own voice—or worse yet, the voice of my maker?

In regards to understanding my own identity, am I really there yet?  How much is enough?  I believe I know my divine heritage, but I also believe I am an amalgamation of several faith tributaries—-which blend together to build my own river of faith.  What is the balance of all of these streams and do I need to focus on some aspects more than others?  And as it related to the scare of being robbed, in what ways can I lower my anxiety about “things” by simplifying and reestablishing my order of values?

Such are the thoughts that washed over me the next morning with the mountain breeze, some good books, and after the threat of a media crisis. Nature has a good way of putting things into proper perspective.

Which leads me back to the topic of CHANGE as relates to leaving the dark recesses of our lives and finding new light.  I hope you find these five considerations from the mountain top helpful:

1. Recognize change doesn’t require a complete knowledge of anything.  Confucius said “To know that we know what we know, and that we do not know what we do not know, that is true knowledge.”  We don’t need a certain knowledge of things to change.  We only need to know what we know, and to recognize we can’t ever know it all.  Much of what we know will come through reading.  Surround yourself with a wide variety of books; read broadly.
2. Evaluate your current value system.  Certain values are not absolute and can be reordered in your hierarchy of things.  In my recent experience, I realized that even IF we had been robbed, we are only talking about “things.” I decided to not place so much emphasis on my digital world; that my world of discovery would be better served by books, prayer and meditation.  In other words, I could CHANGE the value I put on my values.
3. Find your truth—ask the hard questions.  Timothy Keller in his book, The Reason for God, quotes the sociologist Peter L. Berger regarding discovering truth.  “We cannot avoid weighing spiritual and religious claims by hiding behind the cliché that ‘there’s no way to know the Truth.”  We must still do the hard work of asking: which affirmations about God, human nature, and spiritual reality are true and which are false?”  We still have to search out answers to life’s most important questions.  Ask questions, gain understanding from doubts and doubt your doubts.  Put some deep thought into how you fit into the universe; more specifically, the life you are currently living.  Not finding all the answers is fine, but not seeking answers is not.
4. Go Camping and Simplify.  You don’t have to go to the mountains; but go to wherever your mountain is.  Read lots of good books, ask hard questions, meditate and ponder on values and the path forward.  Be willing to CHANGE.  Said Henry David Thoreau, “Most of luxuries, and many of the so called comforts of life, are not only not indispensable, but positive hinderances to the elevation of mankind.”  This was written in the 1800’s.
5. Get an Alarm System.  Develop your own sense of boundaries regarding the “hum” in your world and check your devices in for a time.  Find and listen to your own voice.  Create a space for faith and pondering; a place you can ascertain the direction you are heading, and if that direction is in line with the vision you have established.  Create your own warning signs and watch for distractions.  Your personal alarm and warning system will keep you moving in the right direction.  And yes, I’m installing cameras and an alarm system to ease my mind; but establishing an internal alarm and warning system is even more important.

Vision is about finding the path forward.   Vision requires change.  The ideas outlined herein help light the path forward and propel you toward the vision you established.  From his simple economic life, the well-read Thoreau said “I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”

Establish your vision (the life you imagine), make necessary (and constant) changes, and emerge into a world of freedom, peace, and confidence.

Sometimes I wonder if I am in the minority of humanity in being “nice,” as it doesn’t come as easily as I would like.  I have been taught well by parents, mentors, and leaders—so any propensity toward not being nice is squarely on my shoulders.  When I’m a jerk, I always know it and suffer the consequences.  I don’t practice being a jerk; it comes naturally.  And yet, I always strive to yield to my better angels, and do believe I have the capacity to do better.

I recently read a very refreshing book by Arthur C. Brooks titled, Love Your Enemies.  His thoughts on overcoming a culture of contempt gave me great hope and resonated on a very deep level. It stirred some of the sludge in the bottom of my own barrel of contempt.

Three things from his book brightened my world.  I was amazed at the studies he highlighted that show how these things are a part of the solutions in overcoming bouts with depression and anxiety.

1. Practice Warm Heartedness.  Arthur asked the Dalai Lama directly “Your Holiness, what do I do when I feel contempt?”  His answer was simple and astounding: “Practice warm-heartedness.”

Why is it that in our age of instant intelligence and access to the world at our fingertips, that we struggle to accept such simple solutions?  Why do we think we have to have a Harvard or Pew research study to accept the solutions presented?  Why do polls govern the actions or decisions of decision makers?

For many of us, practicing kindness and warm-heartedness may not come naturally.  And yet, that is exactly how we desire to be treated.  The key word in all of this is “practice.”  Meaning (at least in my case), that if kindness and being warm-hearted are akin to shooting three pointers, I have about a 10% success rate.  Still, the more I practice, the higher that percentage will be.  Knowing this, it makes all the sense in the world to “practice” warm-heartedness. 

2. Smile.  I used to be embarrassed about my smile as my teeth were a mess.  I finally changed the ‘look’ of my smile in my forties and went through two years of braces.  After all this, my smile looked much better, but the fact that my teeth were straight didn’t necessarily make me want to smile more.  No, having straight teeth is NOT what it means to smile.  Rather, to me at least, it means to wear a pleasant look and demeanor, a welcoming face—which usually includes some fashion of a smile. 

Studies have shown (and if there wasn’t a study, this obviously would not be true—right?) that the smiling face is an effective tool in leadership in disarming pre-judgement, bias, and negative emotions.  This is something that may not come naturally but can be practiced and implemented.  The act of smiling helps us to become kinder and warm-hearted. 

I have a granddaughter who has practiced smiling.  She is three years old, and when she knows her picture is being taken, her fake smile looks like something from a cartoon like the Simpsons—-it is both hilarious and frightening.  And yet, it makes us all smile and love her for trying.  If we can’t smile naturally, we might start with a pleasant look and a grin—this is something we can practice.

3. Live with gratitude.   Above my door in my office is a sign I see each day.  It states, “a thankful heart.” This is a reminder to me to be content with what I have, to cherish the relationships I hold dear, to realize I am nothing without God in my life, and that my gratitude in all of this is simply my way of showing thanks.  Again, a study in his book revealed that gratitude was a key to a more satisfied and happy life.  It can be very hard and even unnatural to show gratitude in the face of hostile actors—but if we can muster it up—“loving our enemies,” then it heals both ourselves and those around us.  It begins with gratitude; again, something we can practice

Now for a real-life practice session I had.  Recently I ran an ad for a house I was renting, seeking a tenant.  The ad stated we allowed dogs but it didn’t specify beyond that.  An honest applicant  stated he had a particular type of dog (typically known as an “aggressive breed”).  My email reply simply stated “I’m sorry, we don’t accept certain breeds, and yours is one of those.  Best of luck.” His reply was very personal.  Let me summarize “Jerk, your ad said you accepted dogs, but didn’t outline exceptions.  He also pointed out that my pictures, ad content, and listing were terrible. His concluding line was, verbatim, “I wouldn’t buy water from you if I needed to put a fire out.”

Now amid this and learning some lessons from Arthur Brooks, I decided to practice better behaviors and succumb to my better angels.  My reply to his was simply to apologize and understand his dilemma and have compassion for his circumstance.  I offered to return his fee for the application.  I apologized for my abruptness and for running a less than perfectly clear ad.

He didn’t need to reply, but he did.  It was soft and warm-hearted.  He understood my position with aggressive breeds of dogs, didn’t want a refund on the application fee, and stated it wasn’t my fault he owned an aggressive breed of dog.  He expressed his hope that a landlord would simply be willing to meet his dog, and that he would purchase insurance in case something was to go wrong.  He closed by thanking me and wished me a good day.

I have another rental coming available soon, and I’m thinking I ought to meet him and his dog and give him full consideration.  All of this because I decided to practice warm-heartedness, put a smile behind my voice, and to realize my gratitude that he even applied for my rental. 

I can see how these things all reduce anxiety and can make us feel better as human beings.  I can see how practicing these things feeds into being nice and holding less contempt, and even how it could lesson the stranglehold that depression and anxiety may have upon us.

I express my gratitude for being able to “live into” things we are not, and for the ability to practice virtues that don’t come naturally.  I was told once by a man while discussing the blessings of good things, that trying to live according to God’s ways made him less of a jerk than he normally would be.  Yes.

It’s calving season on the ranch. Newborn calves are cared for by their mamma cows from the moment of birth. It’s a beautiful thing to see the mom licking and cleaning up her calf, and then watching the calf stand with shaky legs, nurse, then within thirty minutes run wherever mom goes. The draw to each other is instinctual. As the calf grows, integration with the herd is also innate—they NEED each other. The mama cows provide protection, comfort, play mates, even playful rivalries—all for the good of the new-born calves and developing herd.

Unlike us humans, cows are not distracted by shining screens in their faces, bombarded with all knowledge at their hoof tips, or worried about the negative factors of social media. No one is mooing in their ear “Aww, I’m the only one not invited to that party,” or “Guess I’m not in the ‘in’ crowd.” They just happily live instinctively and thrive in their realm.

In our human world the noise that surrounds us can single us out, putting us in a box of loneliness, anxiety and depression. How can we learn from my cow friends and integrate naturally with the herd and rediscover our need for each other?

It turns out that loneliness (which is a primary factor in developing anxiety and depression) is not so much the absence of other people; it’s the sense that you’re not sharing anything that matters with anyone else. We become soooo busy with the noise, that our natural instincts are smothered, taking us away from loving relationships and from developing life pursuits that make a difference in the world. Without these, life can feel very lonely.

I recently read in Lost Connections by Johann Hari, where he describes admitting himself into a recovery program for Internet addicts. He was surprised to learn that over 90 percent of those in the facility had anxiety and depression before they turned to the Internet for comfort. The Internet was born into a world where many had already lost their connection to others. The Internet offered them a type of meaning they were missing. Social media friends replaced neighbors, and video games (especially the ones that have multiple players around the world) replaced meaningful work and became their tribes as they immersed themselves into alternate realities. Far from “instinctual” it became habitual—even addictive.

We humans are meant to be social creatures—to be able to see and touch and smell and listen to each other. We are meant to be in connected; to care for each other and be engaged emotionally. We ought not to put a screen between us and what is instinctual, as doing so keeps us from connecting to what actually brings happiness and joy—naturally.
Let’s consider four ideas for returning to our instincts and put some distance between real and alternate realities; between a more holistic life and anxiety and depression.

1. Accept your instincts and boldly step into them. Few want to take a risk of being hurt in any way. But if we take no action toward our instincts, we let uncertainty be our guide. I don’t mean step into the vices of humankind or the carnal world. There is a difference between stepping into your instincts versus succumbing to selfish desires. You know these differences intuitively. In following natural instincts, I’m encouraging you to follow what your heart is telling you, and step into that goodness. I challenge you to put this to the test and see if it doesn’t bring handsome returns.
2. Return to the herd. Loneliness is not just about an absence of relationships with others, but rather a lack of purpose in our lives. We still need to be around those who are genuinely supportive. This is part of the risk we take in stepping into our instincts—there is a chance of being burned. The benefits of this risk, however, can only bring good—either in solutions or other lessons learned. Who doesn’t need real friends, relationships that are much more than screen shots, and a tribe that can address our life needs, wants, and concerns? Discovering purpose doesn’t happen in isolation, it happens as we mingle with the herd.
3. Decide to exercise your freedom to choose. We do have choices, but do we consider how isolating and addictive behaviors hamper our instincts? We can stop killing the natural emotions that come into our hearts and heads by choosing to put away our fears. If we step boldly into our instincts, our decision to exercise choice (rather than be a passive player in life) begins to come from a place of hope and not fear; from trust rather than distrust.
4. Don’t pre-judge. It seems that this is already a keen part of the value make-up of Millennials and Gen Z —to not judge harshly and to be more accepting of everyone’s views. If that is the case, then cease judging yourself and those instincts that will give you solutions to address the things that matter most. Don’t judge the outcome or anticipate it being negative before you try it on.

Calving season seemed to put much of this into perspective for me. I hope the analogy was helpful to you as well. Allow nature to take its course, accept the “mothering” of those who love you, join the herd, take on risk, decide to exercise your freedom to choose, don’t pre-judge, and enjoy the journey!

It’s not just a Millennial or Gen X or Z dilemma; the art of story telling is fading as a sunrise in the west. Does it matter that many of us are losing the ability to communicate in other than texts or tweets?

As an author, I study great writers in depth to glean some of their wordsmithing as well as their ability to tell a story that captivates. Who doesn’t love to sit down with a good book? And yet, that companionship is also fading. It has to do with the world we live in, where we are owned by the ding of a cell phone and can’t make space for such things as a good book, let alone pondering and storytelling.

And yet, it is imperative that we marshal the art of storytelling—-not to be the most popular voice around a campfire, but to be able to tell our own story of life and leave an interesting story of our life for our loved ones.

For many of us, storytelling does not come naturally. In fact, in our family, one member tells stories so slow and disinteresting, we will use the line “Good story Hansel” from the famous movie Zoolander. We ought not to make fun of each other, but the point is, there are good story tellers and poor ones—-and which would you rather listen to?

The good news is that this is a skill that can be developed. I have a good friend who is perhaps the worlds best presenter; I really mean it, he is legendary. He practices speaking in front of a mirror all the time. He rehearses over and over again, focusing on all aspects of his delivery. He practices facial expressions, his gestures, the timing of powerful lines, where he’ll add a little well-spaced humor, and the lessons he’s trying to get across. He didn’t become the best in the world by just winging it, he did so through dedicated preparation and practice. And where did it get him? He created a billion-dollar training enterprise that blessed the world a million times over.

We can’t cover the basics in 1000 words or less, but you can find more detail on this topic including the science behind in my book, Launching Leaders: An Empowering Journey for a New Generation.

Why learn and practice the art of storytelling? It will move all of your dreams forward and help you maximize every possible success. Is that reason enough?

Here are the four basic elements of great story telling:

1. Your story must include likeable and recognizable characters that your audience will identify with or empathize with.
2. There must be some sort of drama, some uncertainty, or some anticipation involved. Something out of the ordinary needs to happen to create tension and uncertainty about the outcome of the story. You want your audience to wonder what will happen next and be concerned with how things will turn out in the end.
3. Your story needs a “Eureka moment” in which the central character breaks through and does something great. Your story has to deliver its payload.
4. You need a “me-to-we” factor—something that will help your listeners realize that the story you’re telling actually has relevance to their own lives. As the listener makes an emotional connection with the story, they will suddenly realize that their life somehow shares some of the same dynamics as the narrative they’re listening to. A meaningful story always tells listeners what’s in it for them, and will give them something they can use as they move forward with their life.

To show you how these elements play out in an actual narrative, here’s a true story often told by my mentor, and fellow Launching Leaders founder, Jim Ritchie:

John Oryang and his brother David grew up in the hills of Uganda, in central Africa. The two brothers, about ten and eleven at the time, would arise early in the morning and trek their way into the foothills, protecting their growing goat herd and making sure they had food and water. This type of sustainable living (raising goats) is a key way to get ahead in Uganda; as the goat herd grows, so do the family opportunities. John and David assumed they’d spend the rest of their days performing these worthwhile labors until a disaster unexpectedly struck.

A deadly disease originating in Europe invaded Uganda, and quickly devastated the country’s goats. Nearly every goat in Uganda died from the disease, including all of the Oryang family’s small herd. The disease left the family without any chance of financial success; they were destitute and desperate.

In the middle of this incredible setback, John decided to strike out on his own as a young teenager and see what was on the other side of the mountain. With his meager belongings strapped to his back, he walked the many miles to the “big city,” where he somehow got himself enrolled in a school and worked hard to obtain a high school diploma. He did so well academically that he was awarded a scholarship to attend a university, which in turn paved the way for him to eventually attend Oxford University in England.

Graduating from Oxford with honors, he returned to a good paying job with the Ugandan government, which made him a man of influence and privilege. He married and began raising a family. His son David grew up under a very different set of circumstances than John had, and after finishing high school, he was admitted to the University of Washington, where he received a degree and landed a prominent job in Washington D.C.

Upon reflection of his and his family’s good fortunes, David thought back to the days of his youth, and wondered aloud “What if the goats had not died?”

Let’s break down this story by highlighting how each of the four elements of a powerful story are present:

1. Likeable and recognizable characters. Who doesn’t love a family of goat herders working hard to make an honest living? Who can’t relate to this family, working together to sustain life? This story is full of characters that it’s easy to root for.
2. Drama, uncertainty, or anticipation. The disease that killed the family’s goats created the tension and uncertainty around which the entire story revolves.
3. Breakthrough moment when main character does something great. The teenage boy venturing out from his home, going over the mountains to attend school and make his own mark is the story’s breakthrough moment.
4. Emotional connection. Readers and listeners can easily relate to the way John’s act of courage dramatically altered his family’s fortunes. The reader can reflect on her own life and identify a challenge that’s kind of like her own “dead goat story.” After hearing how John turned his trial into a blessing, listeners gain new insights into their own life difficulties and can find motivation to confront them.

I hope we can all propel our success by learning the art of effective storytelling.

I have had many long conversations with the rising generation regarding money and what we call financial fitness. I have enjoyed being a judge in collegiate entrepreneurial contests and hearing first hand their dreams and aspirations. I have employed more than 10,000 Millennials in my lifetime, and feel I have a special connectedness to their mindset. Millennials have taught us that financial fitness and success in money management cannot be divorced from the concepts of stewardship and giving back.

Regarding faith and money, the question can be asked, “does God care about how we manage our financial affairs?” The answer is of course a resounding YES. Ironically, those in the rising generation who are leaving active religious practice come from the same generation that is more fully embracing what God has taught us on this topic perhaps more than any other generation.

The rising generation seeks to connect their earning power with doing good in the world. Many say if they don’t recognize the good they are doing in their work they will change venues very quickly to align their purpose with those who are simpatico.

My friend, mentor, and fellow Launching Leaders founder Laurence Day from New Zealand taught me a different way to look at the New Testament’s parable of the talents as it relates to financial fitness. Let me paraphrase slightly his teaching—taken from my book Launching Leaders: An Empowering Journey for a New Generation.

Most people believe a “talent” is more like a skill, but in reality, it is something quite different. In the days of Jesus, a talent was actually a weight—typically a weight of silver that might be worth about $600,000 in our current world.   Using this value metric in the parable of the talents, one received $600,000, another $1.2 Million, and the third servant $3 million. The master expected them to double their money in two years. The master didn’t ask them to double their money using other people’s skills, rather, he requested they do so with their own skills.

One servant failed because he was too afraid. Knowing the master was “a hard man,” he became paralyzed by the possibility of losing his money, so he buried it to preserve its value.

The other two servants acted out of faith, not fear, and applied themselves to the task at hand. The parable tells us they “traded” with what they’d been given to increase their talents. In other words, they learned stuff and applied what they learned. They took on risk, applied knowledge and made plans. They probably met failures in their journey, but in the process, learned how to become good stewards. Consider what these two servants had to learn to trade their talents. It probably included trade routes, products, pricing, markups, storage, warehousing, insurance and protection and much more.

The servants who applied the stuff they learned were the ones who made the most of their talents. They became good stewards. This word and principle of stewardship resonates with the rising generation as it has a sacred ring to it. It has to do with living a particular set of ethics and developing a responsible plan for the resources under our care.

I call this the “Mindset of Money.” Within this mindset, I encourage our young adults do the following—which they so naturally gravitate toward anyway:

Discover purpose. In in your quest to be financially fit and fulfill your desires to give back and change the world, you must settle on a framework of purpose and assure your financial goals aligns with that purpose. For the rising generations, how this purpose fits into how the world can be holistic is key.

1. Invoke passion behind purpose. This is where life is breathed into the created purpose. If you are not loving what you do, and if this love is not creating passion behind your purpose—then keep working on discovering a purpose that naturally moves the passion forward. In a 2012 Gallup Poll about how people feel about their job, 63 percent were not engaged in their work. 24 percent were actively disengaged. Only 13 percent were engaged. This is because what they were doing did not align with a purpose they believed in. As so much of our lives are taken up by the need to survive and engage in a livelihood, we ought to spend more time analyzing our purpose as it relates to our financial world to assure we experience a joyful passion in what we do. Getting this right ties into so much more than money; it is connected to our physical and mental health and general overall wellness.
2. Align livelihood with that purpose. When you have discovered a purpose and the passion for that purpose naturally flows into it, then you align this with a livelihood that makes your path of financial fitness part of your holistic self. You become part of the 13 percent in the world that love what they do.
3. Become a great steward of resources. When the purpose, passion and chosen livelihood are also producing income, how you apply these resources (both human and financial capital) is what will make you a great steward. Many in our blessed rising generation are keen on this concept. They would rather live a very modest life and give more of themselves and their resources toward changing the world for the better.

I hope these brief points have stirred a desire to learn more about how to become financially fit, as the two successful servants did in the parable of the talents. Indeed the Lord does care about how we build and manage resources—-and desires us to become good (even great) stewards.

For more granular detail about these concepts of financial fitness, entrepreneurism, and the principles behind them, please see my books Entrepreneurial Foundations For Twenty and Thirty Somethings and Launching Leaders: An Empowering Journey for a New Generation, both available on Amazon.

Guest Opinion that Appeared in Deseret News on October 23, 2018

It doesn’t seem that hard to figure out, but it’s often difficult to learn how to listen with real intent. Why? Because our modern lives have swallowed up the time to care about the details of caring; the time needed to think beyond ourselves and to listen intently and not just talk. I’m afraid the hamster wheel we have put ourselves on is getting the best of us.

I was recently listening to a presentation given to my associate and myself by a very passionate presenter. After 45 minutes of nonstop fast talking, this person finally came up for air and asked for our thoughts. We gave a sentence or two in response before being cut off, and the cycle continued. On the way to our car afterward, my associate said, “Note: how not to give a presentation.” And without judging the message — which was great — the messenger didn’t allow for a dialogue and didn’t listen with real intent to our feedback. Our own thoughts felt minimized regardless of the message presented.

It may sound odd, but I often talk to my herd of cows, and while I sometimes wish they could speak in my own language, I’m very appreciative that they listen — at least I believe they do. As I talk to them, an occasional nod or cow moan tells me they are very understanding of whatever I’m talking about. How I wish I could transfer this type of dialogue to my human friends.

Sometimes the key to listening is to make a nonjudgmental comment after the speaker has completed their thought, and then say nothing. Listen with empathy and understanding without trying to formulate a response or solution while the speaker is sharing. Often, the best thing for me to say in response is “Wow — what you are experiencing is significant” (like the cow nodding and moaning back to me). Often it is not required of us to find answers or solutions. We simply don’t know everything, and it’s OK to know and express that. Listening provides a wonderful form of healing.

So much of our lives these days are lived in haste. We live in a rush of activity, reaching for our devices anytime they ping us — and our response must be instantaneous — or, so we think. I remember when if we weren’t available for a phone call, we weren’t available. Now, we are inclined to text a message such as “Can I call you later?” The haste we live in, I believe, is a factor in anxiety and depression. Why? Because the practices we have adopted have caused us to rush to solutions without actually listening first.

So, I have three points to consider. Are you listening? Good.

Listen without haste: I have a grandson who has a very hard time expressing the thoughts in his head and heart. True, he is only 3½ years old — but still. To get the meaning of his head and heart requires me to sit beside him and listen intently as he struggles to impart his message. If I don’t take the time, he stops trying to communicate and is very frustrated. Regardless of our age, when those listening don’t do so with heart and intent, the effect is the same. This is an important consideration, especially when communicating with those who are struggling, have anxiety or are showing signs of depression.

Schedule enough time: If you are making time to listen, make every effort to allow for enough time. Creating extra time in scheduling allows for the unknown. Having to look at the clock in the midst of listening tells the person sharing that what they have to say isn’t so important after all.

Don’t formulate a response while listening: This is very difficult to do in our split-second world. Listen with empathy with the idea that you don’t have to formulate an instant solution. Just listen intently first. Much has been written about being “present” in dialogue — to live in the moment. Perhaps listening is the first step to being present.

If we have a heart to really listen, then we offer up a healing that is powerful medicine. It requires not living in haste or looking beyond the moment. The art of listening to others without haste can be a significant factor in easing their anxiety and depression — if we take the time to do it.

And if all else fails, give me a call and we can arrange for you to join me and my herd for a little cow talk.

Steve Hitz is a co-founder of Launching Leaders Worldwide, a nonprofit organization that provides young adults with tools for personal leadership and faith.