What Defines Happiness? Three Keys to Establishing a Path

By Steven A. Hitz, Founding Director
Author of Launching Leaders

August 2, 2017

I have been immersed in learning HOW to think, and to consider deeply WHAT to think about.  I’ve been in a quest to find a framework for happiness.  I have not entered into this study because I consider myself unhappy; on the contrary, I embark in this realm of thinking to test my own theories.  As I study and engage the minds of Millennials and Gen X’rs, I also am keenly aware of the things they are doing to find happiness.  In this quest, we have much in common our generations.  Let’s explore this idea of happiness together.

I have been raised in a faith environment, where good is good and evil is evil, and the gray area leans mostly toward black or white.  My perspective on the subject of happiness and how it is obtained has obviously been shaped by my environment, family and personal mentors.  Having said that, however, please know I am a free thinker, and I appreciate and applaud the various paths that lead one to happiness—whatever that state of being is for them.

I recently discovered a term that I believe defines some of my thinking process, but didn’t realize it was a word until now.  In his book Obliquity by John Kay, he states “Obliquity describes the process of achieving complex objectives indirectly.”  He addresses this concept in personal and work life with an over-arching question of what creates happiness.  He finds that the undefined journey we take can often lead us to the best resultant happiness, though obtaining such a state was not our direct course or objective.   He stated “Happiness is not achieved through the pursuit of happiness.  The most profitable businesses are not the most profit oriented.  The wealthiest people are not those most assertive in the pursuit of wealth.  The greatest paintings are not the most accurate representations of their subjects;…The problems we face are rarely completely specified, and the environment in which we tackle them contains irresolvable uncertainty.”

I related to this concept as I have painted my life with broad strokes.  So much of what we achieved in building a multi-million dollar company was how we resolved complex issues on the fly, without a detailed “plan” of how it would all work out.  John Kay was the CEO of a business that helped people by building complex models for success—-but discovered that neither his own company nor his clients followed the detailed blue print they paid for.  Rather, the blue print helped them compare their path of thinking to get a sense of whether they were on the right track.  In a similar vein, I suggest that even though we may have in our minds, and even on paper, a blue print for happiness, it will provide for us an idea of how we might be progressing, but does not in itself provide for us the happiness we seek.

When I get on the floor with my grandchildren with a bucket of building blocks, we really never know what will emerge.  We do know that if we build a good foundation, whatever else is created will have a better chance of defining beauty—-or happiness as it were.  The same is true of building a home from blue prints—there are always change orders along the way—that is how life works.  In this spirit, I offer as foundational building blocks, three keys to establish a path for happiness.

  1. Hang on and endure well. There are many, who in their quest to be happy, believe that this so called state of happiness is illusive, owing to the many challenges and discouragements along the way.  When one discovers that happiness is not the destination, but the journey—then happiness is within reach. Take courage in finding the happiness that results in personal growth by learning from whatever experiences come—when we do so,  we are on the path to happiness, because the path IS happiness.  Not giving up on learning this truth may be called enduring.  Enduring however sounds painful, so I like the Spanish translation better which is to persevere.  Hang on, or at least, hang on a little longer.
  2. Map your future—but don’t define in advance, every detail of the journey. Allow the space of time and timely understanding to shape your path along the way.  In his book Obliquity, John Kay states “Mountaineers like Messner [Reinhold Messner, who reached the summit of Everest from the more difficult Tibetan side] do not say that being cold, starved of oxygen and at frequent risk of injury or death makes them happy.  They confirm the commonsense assumption that such experiences are unpleasant.  But the experience of having accomplished a difficult climb makes them immensely happy…..because happiness is not simply the aggregate of happy moments.”  It is perfectly fine to map  waypoints as you create plans for your future; but leave plenty of room for spur-of-the-moment decisions.  The challenges that arise as you follow the broad strokes, allow you to grow into and from the experience and put a finer point on the happiness that will follow.   Says Kay “Happiness is where you find it, not where you look for it.  The shortest crossing of America [from the Atlantic to the Pacific Ocean] was found by seekers of gold, not explorers of oceans.  The discovery of happiness, like the discovery of new territory, is usually oblique.”  In other words, it is a process that may not be direct or absolute, but likely it will be indirect with varied routes or deviations along the way.  Deviations from the path do not necessarily mean you have left the building or are lost—it means you are dealing with life and its surprises in a way that embraces what may come and make the most of it.
  3. Gain control of your inner-self.  Self-mastery is the essence of happiness—as William Earnest Henley scribed in Invictus—last phrase, “It matters not how strait the gate, how charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.”  In Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, he writes “If, at some point in your life, you should come across anything better than justice, honesty, self-control, courage—than a mind satisfied that it has succeeded in enabling you to act rationally, and satisfied to accept what’s beyond its control—if you find anything better than that, embrace it without reservation……but if nothing presents itself that’s superior to the spirit that lives within—the one that has subordinated individual desires to itself, that discriminates among impressions, that has broken free of physical temptations (as Socrates used to say),… and looks out for human beings welfare … if you find there is nothing more important or valuable than that….then don’t make room for anything but it…..anything at all….Choose what’s best.”  This statement blends all three of these keys to find or gain happiness.  Firstly, it solidifies the fact that happiness is not a place (like Disneyland) or an event—but rather, a state of being.  That state of being grows out of practicing good habits, being a caring person, looking out for others.  Secondly, it makes space for one to paint broad stokes or establish weigh points, while being flexible regarding change and growth and not rigid in the set path.  Lastly, this thought process allows one to keep working on the mastery of self, hanging on as it were, while the path before us is lit for yet another step in our journey.

It seems to me that these tips align well with the Millennial and Gen X’r’s path of testing or questioning the status quo, not being boxed in, making a difference, and finding that space of holistic mindfulness that could be defined as happiness.  I would suggest these keys are foundational as you build toward happiness—however you choose to define it.

If you have not purchased and read my book Leadership by LIGHT: Principles That Empower, I believe the principles therein will add greatly to this idea of happiness and how to obtain your portion of it.  It is every human being’s right and privilege to live in a state of never ending happiness as it were.  I hope you find every step in your journey a part of this quest.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Receive new blog posts
in your inbox!